I had to explain this word to my boys last night. "A resolution" I started "is when you make a definite decision, a promise..a decision maybe to change something you do or say. To change yourself" "to make yourself different".
(OK so maybe that isn't exactly the dictionary version but it was 8:30 and I was loading the diswasher..could you have done better on the fly?).
"Make yourself different?" said my 10 yo. "Why?"
I don' t think I explained it right. In fact I am sure I didn't because I could not talk him into making a resolution to flush the toilet each and every time it had been hardily utilized.
Why indeed. Is a resolution making a pact with myself to change something that I have been doing that I no longer want to do? Or making a pact that I will do something that I want to do.
I had to think if I really felt the need for a change....and I thought..naw not really.
I have been a bit out of balance lately. Heavy holidays. A new found passion for cookie baking. A new job and the desire to clear my life of the little nicky nacky obligations that always weigh on me.
I have heavy weighing nicky nacky things. Things I tell myself I want to do but then never actually accomplish them...which weighs even more heavily..then I feel like I failed...which creates the need to make a resolution.
Resolutions are hard for me. I am highly distractable and easily prone to layering task upon task until it becomes overwhelming and then I just sit and eat soup from the can.
Here's a sample of my resolution thought process
Will be more thankful----will send thank you notes to all the people that gave us gifts for the holidays---ohh geez forgot to stick dad's gift in the mail----back to appreciation---is the mailman angry that I didn't make fudge for him this year----did I get the mail?---wonder if I am getting something cool in the mail today?----would like nice fluffy towels----hate my towels---pretty towels would look better in a bathroom that doesn't have an avocado green tub----must call husband and ask him to measure the bathroom to see if new tub would fit
and it just goes on.
Somehow...I am going to work in this life..in this year to create a sense of balance. To sit still and let one thought prevail and follow through with one action.
I am signing off to go find some new fluffy towels.
Happy New Year!